The night I came back to the UK, the riots started. Up here in Newcastle (300 miles from London) where life goes on as usual, it seems almost as remote as the riots in Cairo or Syria. Looking at the pictures on television, it’s hard to tell the difference. Here’s my 2p on how to sort it all out (not that anyone asked).
Rioting is weather-sensitive. Rioters (at least in the UK) don’t tend to like to go out in the cold or wet, so the short-term solution is to check the weather forecast. If no rain is forecast, the government should announce that they are going to deploy the army with orders to shoot any troublemakers on sight. This has two benefits. The hangers-on will stay home and the real bad boys won’t be around any more to breed yet another generation of feckless trouble-makers.
In the medium term, the government should respond more sensitively to the needs of the underprivileged in society. They should re-deploy the money they spend on helping-people-back-to-work and benefit schemes and instead issue a flat-screen television, a Blackberry and a Sky subscription to anyone who wants one. I reckon your average rioter would rather be at home knocking back a can of Special Brew and watching Tottenham play Arsenal in HD while messaging their mates, than out on the streets getting their new trainers dirty – especially if it’s raining outside. But then hey, what do I know?
Funny how nobody is bothered about phone hacking any more. Could it all be a Murdoch plot?
Song of the Day
Everybody’s sitting ’round watching television!
London’s burning with boredom now
Name that tune. OK, I’ll tell you. It’s the Clash with London’s Burning.