Day 200. Flippin eck. That’s a lot of days. 165 to go.
It’s the day after the day before. Or even the weekend before. After the big sky, big lake and wide open spaces of yesterday, and a weekend in the company of Mr DV’s family, I’m back on my own in the barracks and it’s chilly and raining. All I have to remind me of the past few days are sunburnt ankles and a stiff neck. I’m free to return to my ruminations on my lack of motivation and to beating myself up for not being able to get myself moving.
The image that came into my head was of a car. This car has the engine running, and a foot is on the accelerator, but the handbreak is on. Although the car has plenty of potential energy, it isn’t moving. So why is the handbreak on?
Well hе used tο bе somebody, And now he’s somebody else.
Today’s hypothesis is that I don’t want to change. If I move forward, I’ll be moving into a new life, a different life. In fact, a different me. I will become someone else. It’s not that I’ll change. I’m not talking about things like losing weight, or getting fitter, or becoming older, or changing profession. It’s deeper than that. It feels as if I will become someone else, a different me. I won’t be me as I am now any more, I’ll be someone else. Does this sound bizarre? Perhaps, but it feels right and in fact reassuring. I don’t need to dig my heels in and battle to try to keep things, in particular me, as they are. Nor does changing mean that I’ll be destroyed. I will still exist, but in a different form. With a bit of imagination, it might even be something to look forward to. I’ll hold that thought.
Song of the Day
Today’s post is inspired by today’s song – Life is Life by Noah and Whale. It begins:
Well hе used tο bе somebody,
And now he’s somebody else.
Took apart һіѕ οƖԁ life
Left іt οח tһе shelf
That would be it.
P.S. Is it just me or does the lead singer sound a very lot like Patrick Wolf?